I know I’ve written in a really long while, well that’s because nothing has been happening or rather nothing worth writing about. I’m still single, chubby and broke (just kidding or maybe not). It’s so freaking hard out here, so hard trust me. Except you don’t want to admit it or you are one of the reasons it’s so hard in the first place.

Been going through a lot in the past couple of weeks, first, it was my mom harassing me for so many things till I broke down in tears. Baby when are doing your masters, oh and you are supposed to get your PGD first, when are you going to get married and start having babies, you need to lose weight you are getting too fat, quit eating or better still watch what you eat and go the gym. My phone is bad and I’ve gone to price the one I want its XYZ amount, and the rice at home is almost finished and we don’t want starchy one is ABC brand we want it’s about XYZ naira so you should get that too, I don’t want to disturb your brother so I think you should buy it (he’s probably richer than me) and oh when last did you talk to your elder brother (we fell out a while ago) you should be the bigger person and patch things up. She said all these in less than 20mins, it was a lot to take in at once and I did what anyone who is overwhelmed does…I broke down in tears. A lot went through my mind, cried myself to sleep thinking I’ll feel better the next day.

The next day was a Sunday and I didn’t feel any better, dressed up and went to church with a heavy heart, prayed about it I have to admit I felt better after that (like a burden was lifted off my shoulders) saw some kids in church that I like, played with them and went back home feeling a little better. Time to leave home for the week (I don’t stay with my peeps during the week because it’s too far from work) and she brings it up again…like she didn’t see the effect it had on me the last time, my younger brother walked me to the bus stop and I was crying (he’s a darling…trying to calm me all).God bless him for me.

Had a shitty week from then on, was an emotional roller coaster, I’ll literally cry if my pen fell down then and freak out if something was working. I remember was working on a document and I got stuck didn’t know where to start or end, then my colleagues volunteered to help me. So, we had like a session to outline the document and guess what…I went ballistic on them while they were trying to help me. They kept quiet and still helped me with the document. I mean all the way and my boss said “good job” when I presented it. This comment is a really big deal…my boss is the type that always has a different direction on how to tackle a problem even after leaving you to work on it for like 3 days. If you don’t come up with something close to what he has in mind (which he won’t share with you at the beginning) trust me you haven’t done jack. Usually, after a presentation, you have to start all over with the new direction he has given so this kinda lifted my spirit. We are a small team so this literally lifted everyone’s spirit.

My colleagues and I had planned a weekend rave for ourselves (well deserved), and it went better than we expected, from going to the movies, to the club, and to getting food. The highlight of the rave was the food, who knew mega chicken had an African kitchen that is so so good (We are already planning a rematch, just for the food).

Between all these fun things happening, I was never happy, in between this you will find me retreating or simply lost. I don’t know why or what was causing this, I was either anxious or depressed (still I’m). Ever felt like you are not happy and you don’t know why? That’s how I feel and it’s draining because I can’t solve a problem I don’t know. I know some will jump to conclusion that I should settle with my mom and I’ll be fine, yeah I thought of that too but did I feel better after making peace with her? Yeah, but only for a while and I was back to that state of mind. If anyone has gone through this before, please share how you conquered this demon.